Fact: Polar bears and pigeons share the same natural habitat. Proof:

Fact: I make up facts all the time. And words. Because sometimes I’m wordically-challenged. (See what I did there?)

Anyway, did you hear about that man who wanted to hug a panda and ended up getting himself mauled? Well, I had to restrain myself from being mauled by a polar bear this weekend.

All I’m saying is that lounging around on rocks, looking confused and sleepy only serves to make them look extra friendly. I can totally relate to confused and sleepy — those two words describe 95% of my state of consciousness at any given time (the last 5% is occupied by “hungry” — which happens to be another word used to describe polar bears. What coincidence!).

So, if it were not for the 10-foot tall glass panes separating me from my fuzzy friends, the headlines today might have read “Girl wants hug from polar bear, becomes dinner instead”. By the by, that right there is the single reason I did not become a journalism major. People would be so mesmerized by my witty headlines, they’d forget to read the articles, and my amazing writing skills would be lost to the world. (Stop rolling your eyes, I can hear them sloshing around in your eye sockets!) (um…ew…)

Don’t you want to reach out and pinch those…er…cheeks? Heh heh, I crack myself up sometimes.

Seeing this dude swimming around sort of made me wish for beach weather.

I was totally ready to jump in for a quick splash around the pool, until I spotted his (not so) pearly whites.

And just like that, all of my fantasies of frolicking among the polar bears flitted away. Guess it’s best for all of us if I stick with these guys instead:

Totally fuzzaliciousness with zero bite. Just the way I like it.